My Journey from fear, isolation & anxiety to connection, curiosity & trust

Three years ago my life fell apart.

Seemingly overnight, my health disintegrated. Despite countless doctor visits, tests, and prescriptions, no one could tell me what was wrong. My pain and exhaustion became so intense I couldn’t get out of bed. I went from working a busy full-time job, applying to grad school, moving into a new home and enjoying the outdoors to being bedridden and unable to eat solid foods, support myself, or follow my dreams. I lost the sense of who I was.

All my old identities slipped away. No longer was I a co-worker, a student, an outdoor enthusiast, a friend, a partner. I was someone with a chronic illness. I was someone who simply tried to make it through another day. 

I had never felt so lost, so alone, so scared.

In the void that arose from these losses, I let go of what used to be and saw what was.  Wondered what life could be like if I allowed myself to want what I wanted and do what felt good. 

I looked out the window and watching the birds move across the blue sky. I put a blanket on my lawn & felt the sun warm my face and limbs. I listened for bird song. I noticed which flowers were in bloom. I sat in stillness and in silence, and allowed the gentle, abundant energy of life soothe my tattered spirit. 

I returned to my dormant practice of meditation. I cleared my mind and became present to life as it really was in that moment. I noticed. I observed. 

My mind would wander, my pain would resurface, my fear would fill my mind, and I would once more observe the motes in the sunbeams, the ants tickling my skin, or the gentle sway of the wind in the trees. Slowly, I was able to separate myself from the pain and fear, and feel into the peace, connection and serenity of the present moment surrounded by nature. 

Over time, I looked for other ways to connect with nature while honouring my energetic capacity. In place of hiking and backpacking, I started nature journaling and documented my observations in sketches, notes and watercolour. Asking questions, observing and researching filled me with curiosity while sketching and painting sparked my creativity. I spent long hours sitting alone in my yard so deep in the flow of creation that I barely noticed my exhaustion or pain. 

I began to practice chair yoga sitting on my deck and connected to the wisdom of my body. I studied the profound wisdom of the ancient tradition of yoga. In the concepts of prana - the life force energy that flows through all things, and non-dualism - the interconnectedness of all things, I found a philosophy and spirituality that aligned with my own experience.

Through my work with a naturopath, a therapist and my own inner journey, I have been able to find ways to manage my condition and rebuild my life around the values and practices that brought me back to wholeness.

I didn’t set out to find peace and connection in the beauty and serenity of nature. I set out to find a way back to myself. A way through the crippling anxiety, loneliness and isolation of our modern times. A way to rise above the chronic pain, boredom, and complete loss of identity I’d experienced. A way to find joy, hope and purpose in my new reality. What I found was a profound shift in the way I view the world and my place within it.

My journey wasn’t without sacrifice. To follow the feeling of joy and peace I’d found, I had to walk away from so much of my life. I made hard choices to end a relationship, pause my grad school journey and change my career path. I choose to prioritize my health, my truth, and my connection to spirit above all else. 

What I learned is that nature can heal us. 

Nature can help us find a way to tune out the noise of culture. Nature can help us find our way back to our true selves. Nature can be our guide to living lives built on trust, connection, creativity and peace. 

Today, my workshops offer you the space to step away from the demands of modern life and land back in your body, into your connection with spirit, and into the moment. Through meditation, yoga, guided forest walks, nature observation and art, you will be encouraged to slow down, witness the moment and connect to the life force energy within and around each of us. 

In this age of loneliness, distraction and disconnection, I believe that by cultivating the skills of curiosity, creativity and trust it is possible to create a life of peace, joy and abundance. 

If you feel called, join my free, online meditation circle to tune into the healing energy of nature and become a member of our community.

May we all find peace, 

Lauren